Tuesday, 10 November 2009

The Logic of Fat


I weighed myself this morning. I was 94.8 Kg. This excited me as I had not been under 95 Kg. for....Oh... 'kin years.
I was pleased, because when man has found new love, he exercises and diets to become someone he really is not.
It is exactly the same when love dies, men will then diet and exercise to entice a lover.
I returned tonight from my ale house of choice, after a further evening of frustrated tension, having watched Liverpool FC once again been humiliated by a "lower" team, Birmingham.
Although I drank more beverages than was necessary, I am aggrieved to report that on my return home I discovered that I am now 98.6Kg
How can this be? Over the period of the day, I have not indulged in nothing more fatty than a few meat balls afore I ventured out; yet I have gained almost 4 Kg. since my first mornings urination.
Having assessed the problem; I can only come to the conclusion that if Liverpool had bought back Michael Owen, Liverpool would not be in the dire situation they are now. Liverpool would have won. I would have drank less. Therefore, weigh less.
Liverpool have no cover when Torres is injured. This year will be the worst season in their history for 50 years. Their worst since before Bill Shankly was manager.
Anyway, I believe that the fact that Liverpool did not buy back Michael Owen is the reason for my gain in weight.

2 comments:

  1. Hey Will! I´m sorry but Michael is staying with us now =)Nice paintings by the way!

    Freddie

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  2. Thank you for your kind comments re: paintings, Freddie.Michael will be back!

    ReplyDelete